It’s time to face the facts:Die Hardisn’t a Christmas movie. Sureit takes place on Christmas Eve, the whole thing is set at a Christmas party, and it’s cute to joke about watchingDie Hardon Christmas morning, but that’s all it is: a cute joke. There’s more to being a Christmas movie than pine trees and snow, and wrapping a movie up in holiday decorations does not mean it has any meaningful connection to that holiday.
These are the basic facts:Die Hardis a movie whereJohn McClane ends up in the middle of an elaborate robbery, and has to action-hero his way through heavily-armed foes in order to save everyone in the building. The villain, Hans Gruber, has decided to spring his attack on Nakatomi Plaza during the yearly Christmas party, because it’s a convenient time to grab a bunch of hostages and break into the vault. John McClane fights his way to Gruber and eventually defeats him, thwarting the robbery and reconciling with his wife, which was the whole reason he was there in the first place.
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Nothing about this premise has anything to do with Christmas, at all. The attack on Nakatomi Plaza only takes place during Christmas because it just so happens to be a time when people have their guards down and lots of civilians will be in one place. It could have easily been any other company party, for any other holiday, or any random company seminar or team building event. In order for a movie to credibly call itself a “Christmas movie,” it ought to have some sort of meaningful connection to the holiday, to the point that removing the Christmas element drastically alters the core plot or theme of the story.
Here’s a simple example:It’s A Charlie BrownChristmasis one of the most iconic Christmas specials ever, and the core theme of the story is about finding the meaning of Christmas. The film is completely inseparable from the iconography and mythology of the holiday; without Christmas, there is no movie. In contrast, one could easily cut out every reference to Christmas inDie Hardand its plot and theme would not change in any meaningful way.Gruber would still attack Nakatomi Plaza, John McClane would still want to reunite with his wife, and he would still be forced to battle through armed assailants to save hostages. Not only would the plot be nearly identical, the theme of one ordinary man overcoming extraordinary adversity wouldn’t change in the slightest.
Now that that’s cleared that up,Batman Returnsisn’t a Christmas movie either.Neither isGremlins, orAmerican Psycho, orEyes Wide Shut, or whatever else gets shared around in those lists of “Alternative Christmas Films.“Home Alonegets a pass but it’s borderline. After all, much likeDie Hard, Kevin being left alone at his house could have happened at literally any time of year. It could have been the middle of the summer and the story wouldn’t change all that drastically (although some of his traps like the icy steps would have to be revised). All of these films are tangentially connected to Christmas, and some of them are full of Christmas imagery and decoration, but ultimately, all that Christmas fluff could be easily excised with no harm done to the core of the narrative.
Of course, there’s a reason why people keep passing around these lists of “Alternative” Christmas movies: Most actual Christmas movies aren’t that great. For everyElf,there are a dozen more Hallmark movies and some truly utter disasters, ones where parents try to skip Christmas without their kids or where Santa’s son just can’t get it together to be his replacement. They can’t all beChristmas VacationorA Christmas Storyafter all. EvenIt’s A Charlie Brown Christmasis a bit preachy and dry after the first watch. It’s no wonder people want something with alittle more punch to it, and the thin veneer of holiday theming is all they need to justify it.
So when Christmas day rolls around, feel free to pop inLethal Weapon, orBatman Returns, or whatever other movie will make the holidays special. After all, everyone celebrates in their own way and forges their own traditions, and whatever feels special to them shouldn’t be put down. Just don’t waste time trying to seriously convince people thatDie Hardis totally a Christmas movie.
